And there's several different kinds.
There's romantic rejection- when you get dumped or get turned down. We dread this because it's embarrassing; humiliating even. In a relationship you are at your most vulnerable, when you let your guard down completely, put your trust in someone else and to have them break that trust is gut wrenching. It is probably the most lingering of the rejections, stinging long after the blow is delivered, fading only enough to simmer below the surface and creep up again when you are least expecting it.
There's rejection from family- when your loved ones disapprove of choices you've made. You feel judged, sometimes even persecuted as people who are supposed to love you unconditionally sit silently by and cast sneers and scowls at you. The worst part about this rejection is that these people are a part of you forever. And even after the resolution has been reached, and the conflict has been "resolved" you still feel it. You feel it any time they cast a sideways glance your way or the chatter stops when you come in a room. Because even though they're your family, you'll always remember the ill things they've said about you.
Rejection from friends- to be cast out of a group. This doesn't happen as often when you're off the playground, but we still all have the underlying tendencies to reject, to inflict hurt, well into our adult years. I see it all the time at recess- "I hate you." "I don't want to be your friend anymore." "You can't play with me." "You can't play with us because you have ugly shoes." Kids can be mean, vindictive, and downright hateful. And most of the time, it's the heat of the moment, when they are feeling slighted, or put down themselves it helps to make another person feel worse. But the thing about being a kid is you're resilient. They bounce back and most of the time are playing with the very child that shouted angrily at them the next day. As adults, we don't have the luxury of brushing our mistakes off on being a kid. We know better than to say mean and hateful things. And sometimes this is enough to make us bite our tongues, to hold it in. But not always. And because of that, we will always have the fear of being rejected by our friends, by those people we choose to put close to us. Because we know we may falter and reject, we worry someone may do it to us.
Professional rejection- when you are turned down for a job, fired, told you aren't good enough. This is the whole reason I wrote this post. Because recently I have experienced professional rejection. I have submitted my novel to a contest and sent two query letters and was rejected by all three. Did it sting? Of course. Was I happy? Not exactly. But was it a step? Sure. I have now started "shopping" my manuscript. Of course, 2 literary agents and 1 contest are not nearly enough of a step to imply that I have been making a diligent effort to get my book sold. But, writing queries doesn't pay the bills, so unfortunately I have to prioritize at this point. But it doesn't change the fact that people read my work and rejected me. But this is because there is something better waiting. Those weren't the right options for me, because if they were- it would have worked out. In life, we land exactly where we are supposed to. We have to know that God has a plan, and that we are put where we belong when the time is right, and not a moment before. Professional rejection is a blow, a swift kick right where it hurts. When you think you're right for something and someone tells you you're not.
But the beauty of all rejection is that it helps us grow. We can take the hurt and find purpose. We can learn. We can remember our pain next time we feel the urge to reject another. We can become more compassionate and empathetic human beings. And at the end of the day, shouldn't that be everyone's goal?
