One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from a little show called Grey's Anatomy. Perhaps you've heard of it? Anyway, Meredith Grey and I have little in common, but this feeling I have right now can be summed up best by sharing her feelings with you.
"We're grown ups. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?"
It is not like I am unexcited about my life, or I am unhappy with how things are going, or even that I don't want to be a grown up. But, I just don't know that I feel prepared. For all the college classes, all the life lessons, all the mistakes made- how do I know it is enough? That I am really ready to be a grown up? I want to be ready. I do. But that doesn't stop me from being scared.
And I should tell you that I am not afraid of failure. Terrified is a more accurate term. I am literally terrified that I won't be able to make it. It is a silly thing, really. I shouldn't be scared. I should put my trust and faith in God, and in my abilities and know that I am smart and capable. I graduated from college for goodness sake.
But that is not even the worst part about being a grown up. It is pretty bad, but not the worst. The worst is not even that being a grown up means going to work everyday. And being responsible. And I like working. I like routine, constancy, familiarity. What I don't like is when I get up in the morning I can't just think "Ehh, not today". Because I am a grown up. And grown ups cannot do that. But, again, that is not the worst part.
Here's the worst part of being a grown up. Like Meredith said- when did it happen? I don't even remember it. Sure, I put on a black gown and a funny hat, got my name called and walked across a stage. But that seems a little cliche for it to be the crossing over point from College Student to Grown Up. Maybe when you flip the tassel? Again, a little silly for it to mark such a momentous occasion. I took initiative, I went out and got a job (kind of). I am employed (basically). I claimed 1 on my W4 instead of 0 for the first time in my life. Maybe that was The Moment where I became a grown up? It was certainly the thing that felt most "momentous" throughout all of this.
I just feel like I now need to watch Good Morning America and drink coffee every morning. Which is a problem since my DVR is filled with trashy nighttime dramas meant for tweens and teens and I'd rather have a strawberry milkshake.
But the fact of the matter is this: It happened. I am an adult. A grown up.
I went to college. I put in the work. I took the classes. I graduated.
I filled out the application, made the calls, got a job.
So, I made it happen. When I did those things, I made it happen. The fact that I was too caught up in life to make it ceremonious just means one thing: I am a grown up. I have a life to live. I have things to do, places to be, people who care enough about me to want me around. I didn't have to stop and make it a big deal, because it had been happening all along. I took classes, learned life lessons, made mistakes. And all those things made me a grown up.
And now, my challenge is to make the most of it.
It is not like I am unexcited about my life, or I am unhappy with how things are going, or even that I don't want to be a grown up. But, I just don't know that I feel prepared. For all the college classes, all the life lessons, all the mistakes made- how do I know it is enough? That I am really ready to be a grown up? I want to be ready. I do. But that doesn't stop me from being scared.
And I should tell you that I am not afraid of failure. Terrified is a more accurate term. I am literally terrified that I won't be able to make it. It is a silly thing, really. I shouldn't be scared. I should put my trust and faith in God, and in my abilities and know that I am smart and capable. I graduated from college for goodness sake.
But that is not even the worst part about being a grown up. It is pretty bad, but not the worst. The worst is not even that being a grown up means going to work everyday. And being responsible. And I like working. I like routine, constancy, familiarity. What I don't like is when I get up in the morning I can't just think "Ehh, not today". Because I am a grown up. And grown ups cannot do that. But, again, that is not the worst part.
Here's the worst part of being a grown up. Like Meredith said- when did it happen? I don't even remember it. Sure, I put on a black gown and a funny hat, got my name called and walked across a stage. But that seems a little cliche for it to be the crossing over point from College Student to Grown Up. Maybe when you flip the tassel? Again, a little silly for it to mark such a momentous occasion. I took initiative, I went out and got a job (kind of). I am employed (basically). I claimed 1 on my W4 instead of 0 for the first time in my life. Maybe that was The Moment where I became a grown up? It was certainly the thing that felt most "momentous" throughout all of this.
I just feel like I now need to watch Good Morning America and drink coffee every morning. Which is a problem since my DVR is filled with trashy nighttime dramas meant for tweens and teens and I'd rather have a strawberry milkshake.
But the fact of the matter is this: It happened. I am an adult. A grown up.
I went to college. I put in the work. I took the classes. I graduated.
I filled out the application, made the calls, got a job.
So, I made it happen. When I did those things, I made it happen. The fact that I was too caught up in life to make it ceremonious just means one thing: I am a grown up. I have a life to live. I have things to do, places to be, people who care enough about me to want me around. I didn't have to stop and make it a big deal, because it had been happening all along. I took classes, learned life lessons, made mistakes. And all those things made me a grown up.
And now, my challenge is to make the most of it.
Lindsey-- I am glad you are a grownup!! I love your writing. Have you ever considered writing as a profession? Whatever you do, I know you will make it memorable. Glad we get to see you in a few days!
ReplyDeleteThanks Angie! I actually have considered writing as a career.. I have written a book and after the holidays my plan is to try to get it published. It's a long shot, but I think it is worth a shot! Thank you for the compliment, it is nice to know people enjoy what I write!
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to seeing you this weekend!