Because friends are friends forever...

Or are they?

Here's the thing about friendships: very few of them are lasting.

And in saying this it is not my intention to imply that we will ever 100% lose people who truly mattered in our pasts. I mean, we have Facebook... In truth we will never lose anyone... even those we want to misplace. (Thanks for that, Zuckerberg.)

But with friends, it is the very rare friendship that starts in childhood and ends in old age with the same bubbly conversations, laugh till you cry story telling, and soul baring heart to hearts that our friendships often start out with.

Looking back on my life, I can label many "best friends" whom I have had. And, what's interesting to me is that I can honestly remember thinking that these people would be my "best friends forever". But what's even more interesting, is that I can't even remember when these friendships faded. Not that I do not still count these people as friends, and hold them dear to my heart, but our friendships do not still maintain that same intensity that they once had. And for relationships that were so important to me, for people who meant so much, shouldn't I at least remember the moment when we began falling out of one another's lives?

The truth is as easy as: people change. Everyone is guilty of it. There's nothing wrong with it. It's a part of the growing process and it needs to happen in order for us to grow up.

There is no one person to "blame" when a friendship melts. And I say melts, because that's really what it is like. The solid form of your friendship that was once there is gone, but the components are still there, puddling around.

In thinking this way about friendships, and who I once was, where I came from and where I am going, it has made me take stock of the friendships which I currently have, and what sets them up to be my "best friends forever".

The answer is simple: I found them when I was finding myself.

And knowing yourself makes all the difference.

On Life...

One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from a little show called Grey's Anatomy. Perhaps you've heard of it? Anyway, Meredith Grey and I have little in common, but this feeling I have right now can be summed up best by sharing her feelings with you.

"We're grown ups. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?"

It is not like I am unexcited about my life, or I am unhappy with how things are going, or even that I don't want to be a grown up. But, I just don't know that I feel prepared. For all the college classes, all the life lessons, all the mistakes made- how do I know it is enough? That I am really ready to be a grown up? I want to be ready. I do. But that doesn't stop me from being scared.

And I should tell you that I am not afraid of failure. Terrified is a more accurate term. I am literally terrified that I won't be able to make it. It is a silly thing, really. I shouldn't be scared. I should put my trust and faith in God, and in my abilities and know that I am smart and capable. I graduated from college for goodness sake.

But that is not even the worst part about being a grown up. It is pretty bad, but not the worst. The worst is not even that being a grown up means going to work everyday. And being responsible. And I like working. I like routine, constancy, familiarity. What I don't like is when I get up in the morning I can't just think "Ehh, not today". Because I am a grown up. And grown ups cannot do that. But, again, that is not the worst part.

Here's the worst part of being a grown up. Like Meredith said- when did it happen? I don't even remember it. Sure, I put on a black gown and a funny hat, got my name called and walked across a stage. But that seems a little cliche for it to be the crossing over point from College Student to Grown Up. Maybe when you flip the tassel? Again, a little silly for it to mark such a momentous occasion. I took initiative, I went out and got a job (kind of). I am employed (basically). I claimed 1 on my W4 instead of 0 for the first time in my life. Maybe that was The Moment where I became a grown up? It was certainly the thing that felt most "momentous" throughout all of this.

I just feel like I now need to watch Good Morning America and drink coffee every morning. Which is a problem since my DVR is filled with trashy nighttime dramas meant for tweens and teens and I'd rather have a strawberry milkshake.

But the fact of the matter is this: It happened. I am an adult. A grown up.

I went to college. I put in the work. I took the classes. I graduated.

I filled out the application, made the calls, got a job.

So, I made it happen. When I did those things, I made it happen. The fact that I was too caught up in life to make it ceremonious just means one thing: I am a grown up. I have a life to live. I have things to do, places to be, people who care enough about me to want me around. I didn't have to stop and make it a big deal, because it had been happening all along. I took classes, learned life lessons, made mistakes. And all those things made me a grown up.

And now, my challenge is to make the most of it.